Making Friends as an Adult

Making friends as an adult is hard. I ran into this situation when I moved to LA a few years ago. When I left my close group of girlfriends in Chicago I felt alone in a new city. I didn’t know many people in LA. So I quickly realized that unless I wanted to spend every free moment with my boyfriend, I needed to make new friends. I felt lucky that I had my boyfriend to support me while I went through the transition of moving to a new city, but at the end of the day there’s nothing like having a group of girlfriends to go out with and have your back.

The problem was, I never had to make friends as an adult. After college, most of my close friends stayed in Chicago and we would meet other people through our jobs and mutual acquaintances. Moving to LA was in many senses starting over and rebuilding my social circle. It involved a lot of “friend dates” and different people coming and going over the years – in many ways, it’s like romantic dating. You meet through mutual friends or go in blind, and feel each other out. Sometimes it becomes something more, other times you never see each other again. You have to put yourself out there and be ok with rejection, giving more than you receive, and getting hurt. Here’s the advice I received on how to make friends as an adult, and what actually worked.

Use your network –

The easiest ways to meet friends are the same as the easiest ways to meet a significant other. The people you spend the most time with naturally are likely to end up as your friends. This means school, your job, and your existing friends. I met a lot of people through my job and the people I did know in LA, which I appreciated because it led me to some people I consider my close friends today.

Say yes to everything –

As someone who is naturally introverted and doesn’t feel FOMO often, this was hard for me. But saying “yes” to plans means you’ll get out of the house, socialize, and meet new people. You won’t meet people if you don’t put yourself out there. If you always turn down plans, one day people will stop asking.

Be open minded –

People often can surprise you when you get to know them better. Letting go of judgement and opening myself up to people that were different from me really helped me meet some of my closest friends.

Make the first move –

This is not the time to be proud and wait for someone else to extend the invitation. Once I started meeting more people, I realized that a lot of people have trouble making friends as an adult, and most people were more than happy to meet someone new or different.

Find shared interests –

Somewhat obvious, but still very important. Shared interests matter because it gives you something to do and enjoy together! Blogging has been a great way for me to meet new people, and I’ve met some of my closest friends through social media and blogging, including Linda of Kangthropologie photographed here. I never thought I would say this, but I’m so appreciative of social media for opening my eyes to so many new experiences and introducing me to so many people.

Find shared values –

Shared interests can spark a new friendship, but shared values and beliefs grow and sustain your relationship.

How have you made friends as an adult? xx