Blogging is one of those things where the more you put into it, the more you get out. On a similar note, once you take some time off, you start feeling a little rusty and it’s hard to get back into it. I’ve definitely taken a long break from blogging over the past year. And I’ve gone back and forth a lot on how much I want to jump back in. A big component of taking such a long break has been due to my job being incredibly demanding. But it has also largely been due to my new outlook on time and productivity.
When you look around, you can’t help but wonder how many of us are just constantly on the go, living incredibly busy lives, and feeling either proud of how productive we are, or just burned out and overwhelmed? It took me a while to realize that I was constantly obsessed over how I was spending my time and if I was being “productive enough.” Although this year has been so far from what I had initially planned or expected. Some positives have come from it. This pandemic has really forced me to slow down and reevaluate how I spend my time.
What Happened When I Stopped Obsessing Over Productivity
Before quarantine and working from home, my days started at 5am and I would typically not get home until after 8pm, whether I was working or trying to squeeze in a blog event. My weekends were similarly packed with catching up on blogging, errands, and working out. And trying to squeeze out some semblance of a social life. I felt like I always had to be in two different places at once. And could never get everything done that I needed to in a day.
I don’t share this because I’m proud of this. I don’t think this should be normal, or how we should all be living our lives. And I truly believe it’s incredibly unhealthy. In fact, looking back and reflecting on how nonstop my lifestyle was pre-pandemic, I’m honestly confused how I had anything left in the tank by the end of the day. The truth is, I didn’t. Many days I would be running from West Hollywood to Manhattan Beach to Beverly Hills to home. I was running on 5-6 hours of sleep and way too much caffeine. Barely saw my fiancé, was rarely home, and always felt exhausted. My body was begging me to stop. And I only stopped when I would get sick and forced to stay in bed for a few days. As soon as I recovered, I’d resume my regular schedule.
Looking back, I took a lot of pride in pushing my limits – mentally and physically.
I really wanted to be able to do it all. And prove to myself that I was capable of doing anything I put my mind to. I was relentless in my pursuit of balancing everything. Because I really did believe that we should be able to have it all if we work hard. My perspective completely changed this year. Now I’m so much more about working smarter, NOT harder.
Once the pandemic hit, I no longer had to commute 2 hours a day. That was time that I gained back that I could put into sleeping, cooking, spending quality time at home. I also gave up 6am workouts in favor of long walks. And afternoon/evening Zoom or streaming workouts. I don’t always have as much energy towards the end of the day. So if I can only do half of the workout or need a day off, I allow myself that rest. I paused blogging for a long time because to be honest, it just didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel right to be promoting beauty products and skincare, or expensive clothes when there was so much going on in the world that just felt bigger.
I know I was personally terrified for a long time, and still am, about what the future holds. I didn’t want to come off as tone deaf, or vapid, or insensitive. (< this is a post for another day, but I’ve really spent a long time thinking about how much we should care about what other people think of us). I felt really stumped on what to write or share, and in most cases it was easier to not say anything at all.
Now my days are much more leisurely – it’s a much simpler life.
There aren’t as many blog or social events, I don’t see many people, and I haven’t travelled anywhere since March. But I finally feel well rested, calm, and content. I cook most of my meals and nourish my body with whole foods, read a lot, put down my phone, spend time outdoors, and I get so much more quality time with my fiancé, AJ. I never realized how little quality time we actually got together during the week – and it’s been such a welcome change, albeit an adjustment. On that note, I do feel fortunate that my full-time job is not content creation. So I CAN unwind and not post or create content if I’m having an off week or two.
These days, I don’t beat myself up if I’m not up before the sun, or if I don’t workout first thing in the morning. I make my to-do lists much more manageable and try to focus on the one or two things that I need to get done in a day. I’m very selective about how I spend my time and refuse to sacrifice time that I need to recharge or rest to please others. I definitely still get anxious if I feel like I did “nothing” in a day – but I’m working on being okay with that and just going with the flow. To be honest, it’s been really, really nice.
Who knows what the next few months or even year will bring – but I do hope I can hold onto this feeling of calm and living in the present and carry it with me moving forward.
How have you seen your productivity or lifestyle change since the pandemic?
